Russian Adoption Trip #1: Visiting Baby Girl

Saturday, May 26th, we flew from Tokyo to Vladivostok, Russia, a port city located in Russia's Far East on the Pacific Coast (very close to China and north of North Korea). We paid for our tickets from Tokyo to Vlad. since using airline miles was not possible on this route and since there is only one airline (a Russian carrier) flying this direct route, each coach ticket for a 2 1/2 hour flight (5 hour round trip) costs the same as a round trip coach ticket from the mainland U.S. to Honolulu or many cities in Europe. We gladly paid it, though, as we wanted to see baby girl!! The flight was fine and departed on time. We arrived at the Tokyo airport to check in for our flight and found that there was no marked check-in desk for our airline in the international terminal (which is huge!). We had checked an information desk to inquire about where check-in for our airline would be and even standing right where they directed us, the signs were for another airline's check-in counters with absolutely nothing indicating a thing about our airline or destination. We were a bit concerned since we had read that the airline was known to issue last minute cancellations flights that had low occupancy---in addition, the flight display boards did not give any information! Thanfully, a Russian man who ended up sitting next to us on the plane saw our confusion and told us that we were in the right place for check-in. Surely enough, attendants (who worked for a different airline) eventually showed up and placed a few tiny flags displaying our airline's name on the check-in counters. We were quite relieved and even more so when we got the the gate and saw our plane pull in. International travel can be stressful.....the next flight would have been on Monday or Tuesday---much too late for when we would have needed to arrive. David had planned for the worse and written information down should we need to rebook on a different carrier (that would have routed us way out of the way, have several layovers, and cost an arm and a leg! So thankfully we didn't have to exercise that option). We breathed a sigh of relief when we landed, cleared customs, and met our adoption facilitator who picked us up and took us to our hotel. We were so glad to finally be in Russia!
Monday, May 27th. We met with the Department of Education representative in downtown Vladivostok in order to receive our official referral for baby girl. They asked us questions about our motivation for adoption (especially in light of the fact that we have 2 biological kids), financial stability, etc. Apparently, even though I am approaching 30 and David is 32, we still look like children ourselves---the woman from the Dept of Education told our facilitator and translator (in a serious voice), "We do not give children to children." I know that having many lost or broken nights of sleep ever since I have had kids has aged me quite a bit, but I don't think I look like a child or even a teenager. Our translator and facilitator reminded the woman of our ages and that we had two young children already. We received a referral for a precious little girl and were given an official document granting us the right to visit her in the baby home. Technically, we aren't supposed to have received any information on the child prior to traveling. But, they know the exact child you are interested in. So, we were prepared to tell them that we wanted a child of "x" gender and "x" age or younger---when they show you a picture of "your" child, you act surprised and say that child's description is just what you wanted.
On the way back to the hotel, our facilitator and translator took us to a grocery store. We had a suite at our hotel and could cook some meals in the small kitchen so we stocked up on groceries for the week. We normally ate one meal a day at the hotel restaurant (the food was excellent and safe to eat) and cooked the rest of the meals in our room. Do not be deceived by the term "suite" and think it envokes luxury and ease. The accomodations were unchanged from when they had been simply built 20 years ago and everything in the room was very utilitarian. Since the oven portion of the stove didn't work well, I used the one medium-sized skillet provided in our room to cook every meal on the stove top range ;). We had 3 large plates and 2 saucers and about 5 forks and spoons total. Even though the kitchen supplies were limited, we managed just fine and made the best use of what we had to work with. The hotel had a free supply of filtered water -- a greatly unexpected surprise as originally we were thinking that we would have to buy all of our drinking water.
After lunch, we drove the nearly 2 hours to the baby home and met baby girl for the first time. Even very young orphans have already been through tremendous stress and change and in addition to being given up in the first place (psychologists' research indicates that even infants taken from the mother at birth know a major, stressful change occurred and that the voice of the caregiver is not that of their birth mother's), go through change of caregivers every two day as caregivers change shifts and a new ones come on duty. Even though the babies love the caregivers, and the caregivers give the best possible care given the circumstances, true attachment is broken and not really even possible in a baby home setting since there is a not a consistent, loving mother and father and normal family structure and there are many babies to attend to. To deal with the stress and loss and simply to survive in the world, young children often develop coping mechanisms that can manifest in any number of ways. We were prepared for a cold initial reaction and got exactly that. Our baby girl's way of dealing with the stress of loss and change when they handed her to us for the first time was to freeze. She trembled in fear and clammed up, acting as though she had disappeared. At the opposite ends of the spectrum, some kids will cope by taking control and wanting to be boss and still others will go freely to anyone and quickly and easily form attachments and act as though they have known the new person as a trusted caregiver--normal social boundaries and stranger anxiety present in young children are often not present in an orphan. Even after we bring her home, we anticipate that we will have to work hard on establishing connection and attachment and that it may be some time before she truly views us as mommy and daddy, not just another set of caregivers that come and go. We will also have to work hard to help her resiliency increase and work to learn healthy methods of dealing with stress and change. I feel overwhelmed by these tasks --- especially as I have been reading a book on parenting a child adopted internationally --- so I ask that you pray for our family and our baby girl as we seek to weave her into our family in the near future!
Anyways, baby girl held a ball we gave her and she clutched it so tightly, her knuckles turned white. After trying to get her to smile for over an hour and showing her quite a few different toys, she finally began to cautiously warm up towards us. Next, one of the baby home workers brought in a bowl of broken-up crackers mixed with milk and instructed us to feed her. After we fed her the bowl of mushy “cracker cereal,” we fed her a cup of applesauce as well. Her appetite is strong and she cried when the food disappeared. Even though her medical report said she could crawl, she refused to crawl for the first hour or so. Finally, once she had food on her stomach and began to trust us, she started to crawl after toys that we put out of her grasp. She crawled army-style and on hands and knees and showed us that she could move at good pace.
During the visit, baby girl waved at several people she recognized, stood while holding on to something with one hand, sucked her thumb, sat up with a very good sense of balance, crawled, and ate with a strong appetite.  Her temperament seemed pleasant/calm and she was smiling at both of us by the end of the visit.

On Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, we were able to spend 1 1/2-2 hours each day at the baby home. Each day, baby girl came progressively out of her shell --- more each day. On Thursday, we were able to take her outside to play---probably the first time she had ever played outside. On Thursday afternoon, we went to a notary (much like a paralegal in the U.S.) in order to sign the official intent to adopt the child!! 

Friday, June 1st was the final visitation. Because it was Children's Day in Russia (a day in which the rights of children are celebrated), the baby home held a big celebration.We were able to attend and held baby girl during the performances of the 2 and 3 year olds playing instruments and dancing and various baby home workers acting out stories, playing music, and dressing up to perform skits. The kids got treats and gifts much like on Christmas. After the party, we played with baby girl for another hour and she crawled quickly all around the room, pulled up on chairs, and explored. She seems to love music, ride-on toys, toys she can spin, simple "cause and effect" games, and playing with our faces. On Friday, she clutched David's fingers in her own for the first time. Since we cannot show pictures of her face until after we bring her home, I took a picture of her little booties (above) and of her clutching David's fingers (also above). We kissed her and said goodbye for the final time after feeding her lunch. 

Saturday, June 2nd, we began our trip home. We again flew from Vlad. to Tokyo, but this time flew Tokyo to Chicago (an 11 hour flight). We fly home from Chicago and can't wait to see our kids, but will terribly miss our baby girl in Russia. From the moment we first saw her, we felt like she was part of our family. Now, the work resumes compiling numerous papers required to get our court date scheduled. We hope to have her home by Thanksgiving or Christmas! We praise God for the high calling he has given us of adopting a precious child.